


Still

by nerdbuddyj



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbuddyj/pseuds/nerdbuddyj
Summary: The epilogue to the socmed au {sweet chaos} by @anonpjh.Their tragic love story told through Wonpil's point of view. Split into three periods.Since.DuringStill.
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 82





	1. Since, the fateful meeting.

**Author's Note:**

> Narration is in English while dialogues are a mix of English and Filipino. This is done so as to be consistent with the original work.

Whenever the _-ber_ months start, so does the annual LoveLight bazaar.

“Mama, aalis na po ako, punta na po ako dun sa bazaar!” I yell as I tug the ends of my shoelaces.

As I’m about to step out I hear my mom call out to me, “Saglit anak! Hatid na kita, kailangan ko din dumaan ng palengke para sa kangkong.” I giggle to myself at how serious she sounded when she said the leafy vegetable that is _kangkong._

In a few minutes I find myself standing on the curbside where the bazaar is being held. She blows me a kiss before driving away. I blow her one too hoping she sees me on her rear view mirror. I take a mental note to send her a thank you text later while heading my way to the LoveLight booth. The thing about the LoveLight community is that everyone is close with each other and everyone knows everyone— even the people just randomly visiting the bazaar. I can confidently place a bet that by the end of the day someone from LoveLight would’ve made friends with those new faces. For instance, I see Mang Ron making small talk to a young couple by the essential oils booth. And right beside them, little Alice is busy calling in customers. While her mother, Tita Susan, is assembling pieces of soda crackers for the pesto dips in their booth, that’s currently being hounded by a group of middle-aged women. Surely, these people have just met each other but they’re already conversing like they’re distant relatives or something.

I shift my eyes towards the booth across mine and Kuya Mikee—our resident sacristan—was the one assigned to that booth, seeing him automatically makes me raise a hand to wave hello. But, before I can even call him, I notice at the corner of my eye a girl. A girl with short jet black hair lighting a cigarette and huffing out a smoke. To be honest, I have nothing against smokers, but I do have an issue when they light a cigarette in the middle of a non-smoking zone.

“Excuse me miss, bawal po manigarilyo dito,” I calmly tell her as another cloud of smoke escape from her lips. She glares at me before taking another breath of her cigarette. The strong smell of the smoke lingers in the air as she walks a few steps away from me. I look over where little Alice is standing, she’s a few meters away from where this girl and I are standing but I’m sure the second-hand smoke will still reach her.

“Uhm, miss, baka pwede niyo po patayin na lang po yang sinindi niyong sigarilyo, bawal po kasi talaga manigarilyo dito.”

She rolls her eyes and nods her head at me. But it’s obvious that she’s just pretending to agree with what I am saying. She grabs her phone from her back pocket and proceeds to type something on her phone. She holds the lit cigarette in between her two fingers smearing ashes on her white and grey marble phone case with every typing motion she does. I grab my phone as well, turning on Twitter to express my frustration. Yet, doing so doesn’t really help ease this heavy feeling. I take a deep breath, probably inhaling some of the smoke floating in the atmosphere. Maybe I just need to look at this on a different perspective. Yeah, maybe she just needs someone else to tell her off, someone with authority. Other than the police of course, we don’t want trouble. 

“Uh, miss... baka mahuli po kasi kayo, di po kasi to smoking area at medyo strict din po mga tao dito,” I attempt to tell her off one last time. Unfortunately, she ignores me and takes in one more smoke. Her fingers still busy tapping the screen of her phone.

“Sige po, kausapin niyo na lang po yung head ng volunteer committee namin,” I say to her as I storm off to look for Tita Maricel, our head volunteer and the head of the LoveLight community. Once I located Tita Maricel I immediately lead her to the smoking girl.

“Aya?” She cries out.

For the first time I see worry in this girl’s eyes.

“Aya?” I repeat.

“Yes, she’s the one I told you about last time. Yung pamangkin ko,” Tita Maricel states as she has one hand on her jutted hip and the other holding a clipboard with a print out of the bazaar’s floor plan. “You better put that cigarette out fast Aya, or else I’ll call your mother.”

I have never seen or heard Tita Maricel be this stern. She’s usually so sweet and soft-spoken, but right now, that image is no where to be found. Aya rolls her eyes before dropping her cigarette on the ground and stomping on it until it’s dead. Tita Maricel gestures her to follow and for some reason I do too. We reach one of the honesty booths of the bazaar, the one that’s filled with the DIY crafts made by the children from the adoption center near the capitol.

“You’ll be assigned here Aya. Honesty booth store ‘to, so the customers can choose what they want and just pay by themselves. Ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay—"

“Tumayo dito at magmukhang tanga,” Aya cuts her off, earning a piercing glare from Tita Maricel. “I’m just joking tita, don’t be too serious,” she walks inside the booth and stands behind the table where the cash box is placed. Tita Maricel looks like she’s about to tell her something but someone suddenly calls for her from the other side of the bazaar plaza.

“Don’t do anything bad Aya. Ayaw ko ng gulo dito,” she warns her before leaving. Aya just gives her a wry smile. The moment Tita Maricel disappears she gives me a look that makes it seem like I just did something insulting.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she snaps at me.

Okay, so she’s definitely not the warm type of person.

“Kung may tanong ka o kaya kailangan mo ng kung ano, nandun lang ako,” I point at the first booth by the entrance of the bazaar plaza. But, she doesn’t respond, so I take that as my cue to leave.

I spend the next few minutes arranging the LoveLight merchandise on the table and accommodating some passerby’s inquiries. But all the while, I keep glancing at Aya’s booth. Checking to see how she’s doing. She’s assigned there to encourage people to stop by the booth, but instead her indifference is driving people away from it. I want to go to her and tell her how she can attract people to the booth, but I’m a bit scared of her right now. Jae replied to my tweet from a while ago saying that he and Dowoon are on their way since their group meeting got cancelled, so I’ll probably just wait for them to arrive before going to her. For the meantime I’ll just silently observe her from a safe distance.

  
“Yo~ Wonpil! Kamusta? Saan na yung kaaway mo?” is the first thing Jae says to me when he arrives at the booth. Dowoon, on the other hand is busy greeting the other volunteers to even bother to say hi to me.

“Di ko siya kaaway," I say as a matter of factly, "nandun siya sa may honesty booth.”   
He immediately turns his head to where the booth is and gazes at Aya, “Di naman siya mukhang masungit. Baka nga kasi nagmaldita ka na naman kaya ganun siya sayo.”

“Eh kasi naninigarilyo siya sa non-smoking area! Tapos si Alice nandyan sa paligid kaya medyo nadala ako sa emosyon ko,” I try to defend myself and as I’m doing so I made eye-contact with her. 

Jae pulls Dowoon away from the courteous duty he was being pre-occupied with and starts walking to what I think is Aya’s booth. I hurriedly walk pass Jae and Dowoon so I can reach Aya first, just so they don’t do anything stupid.

“Hi Aya,” I say what seems to be my first proper greeting to her. Looking back at it now, we didn’t exactly have the nicest first impressions of each other.

“Hello po, ako po si Dowoon, siya naman si Jae,” Dowoon immediately turns his courteous mode on like a switch, only to get it shut off by Aya who just raises an eyebrow at him. He mouths a ‘ _bakit ganito to?_ ’ at me and I just shrug my shoulders and mouth back ‘ _di ko din alam_ ’.

“Aya, kumain ka na ba ng lunch? Gusto mo ba sumabay sa amin?” I ask.

She gives me the same look she gave Dowoon earlier, “Sorry, I don’t eat with strangers.”

Without much thought I blurt out, “Anong strangers? Ikaw si Aya, ako naman si Wonpil,” I extend my hand out for a handshake but she just looks at me with an all too familiar kind of expression. I’ve seen this multiple times from Jae and Dowoon. They actually have the same confused look on their faces now. I figured out that they react like this when I do something out of the ordinary— their standards of out of the ordinary, because for me, this is pretty normal.

“No,” she sternly turns me down.

“Bakit naman? Dali na sabay ka na sa amin, papakila ka na din namin sa ibang volunteers.”

She sighs exasperatingly, “I said no.”

“Okay, gusto mo ba bilhan ka na lang namin ng food? Tapos dalhin namin dito?” I ask thinking that she might not be familiar with the place and will find it hard to look for a place to find food on her own.

“No,” she barks at me.

“Oo nga, baka kasi mahirapan ka maghanap ng kakainan dito pag mag-isa ka lang, kami na lang bibili para sayo,” Dowoon expresses the thoughts that I just had.

Aya suddenly closes her eyes and sighs again before asking, “kapag ba sumama ako sa inyo for lunch di niyo na ako guguluhin dito sa booth?”

Finally, I see hope that I can be friends with this girl. She is quite difficult to warm up to at first and I think she finds me hard to warm up to too, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse to not be friends with her or maybe at least be acquaintances—one that is in good terms with each other, I might add. I do feel guilty, because of how I was with her earlier we may have started on the wrong foot. Being annoyed and telling her off might have also made her feel uncomfortable and she might have already found this place awkward for her as this is her first time here. So, my actions probably made it worse for her.

We walk to the nearest fast food restaurant we could find and decide to eat lunch there. We take turns ordering in order to save the table we managed to get when we entered the place. Once Aya and I return to the table after placing our respective orders, Dowoon and Jae stand up and head to the cashier, leaving the both of us alone.

Aya drops this acrylic stand from the restaurant that has the number 54 on it on top of the table and plops herself on one of the couches. I sit across her and place my own number 34 acrylic stand beside hers. She fiddles with a cigarette stick as she stares outside the window.

“Aya,” I try to start a conversation. She turns and looks at me and she has this blank stare in her eyes that makes me speechless as I wonder what’s going on inside her mind. She offers me the cigarette she was playing with earlier.

“Do you smoke?” she asks, seriousness clear in her tone.

“Hindi,” I shake my head at her.

“Yeah, I figured you don’t. How about your friends? Do they smoke?” she taps the tip of the stick on the tabletop, keeping some sort of rhythm to it.

“Hindi din,” I turn to look at Dowoon and Jae’s direction, who by now have just finished placing their orders. She slowly nods her head before turning to look out the window again.

“That sucks,” she whispers under her breath. 

Jae places his own number on the table before hesitantly sitting beside Aya, while Dowoon sits beside me. Aya’s eyes are still fixated on the window so I follow her gaze but I can’t see whatever it is she is looking at, if ever she _is_ looking at something.

The food Aya and I ordered comes simultaneously. She bought the combo meal along with an extra burger on the side. While, I, on the other hand, ordered the other combo meal set, the one that comes along with the serving of spaghetti and the same kind of burger she has just put aside.

“Wonpil, baka naman gusto mo mamigay diyan oh. Alam naman namin na di mo mauubos yan eh,” Jae jeers at the amount of food I ordered. 

“Aminin niyo ni Dowoon, ito din yung inorder niyo eh,” I return him the favor of teasing him. The two of them laugh.

“Di lang yan no, nag order pa kami ng two piece chicken,” Dowoon chimes in.

I look at Aya and she’s just busy tearing apart the chicken thigh she has, oblivious to the conversation happening around her. I feel a thud on my foot, someone, or in this case Jae, has just kicked me. I mouth ‘ _ano?_ ’ at him and he just tilts his head sideways subtly pointing at Aya. He probably wants me to start a conversation with her, not knowing I tried to do so earlier.

“Aya,” I call her as I free the rice from its plastic wrapping. She looks up from her meal and blankly stares at me as she chews some of the torn up chicken meat she was preoccupied with earlier.

“Ikaw pala yung pamangkin ni Tita Maricel,” I say as I break the perfectly rounded rice with my disposable utensils. She just nods at me before taking another bite of the chicken meat.

“Nakwento niya kasi sa amin dati na pupunta ka daw sa bazaar,” Jae adds.

We wait for a reaction from her but to no avail we just get another one of her blank stares. The awkward silence surrounding our table dissolves when one of the servers delivers Jae and Dowoon’s orders to our table.

“Number 35?” the server asks. Dowoon raises his hand, “sa akin po kuya,” he exclaims. He then turns to Jae, who’s tapping his acrylic stand excitedly on top of the table. “Number 36?” Jae nods his head, “present at gutom na po sir,” he jokes, earning a small chuckle from us and the server. But, none from Aya. She’s still busy staring at the window, tossing and turning the chicken meat in front of her with her plastic fork.

We try to have a decent conversation with Aya but other than a few one-word responses or expressionless faces, we get nothing out of her. So, lunchtime passes by quickly, with us three guys talking about the upcoming activities planned out by the Community and with Aya busy scanning and tapping on her phone.

“Uy Wonpil, di mo kinain yung burger mo,” Dowoon comments. I honestly bought the burger for a different reason.

On our way inside the restaurant I saw a young boy begging for alms to random strangers walking past him. He’s probably around the age of six or seven, he kept on repeating the same words as he stretches out his hand and open his palm out, 'pangkain lang po.’

“Hindi to para sa akin, dun to sa bata kanina na nadaanan natin.”

“Ahhh...,” he nods his head as he stares at the burger on my hand. Aya swiftly hands me the same burger she had, “bigay mo na din to, that kid has a sister.” We all get surprised at her sudden interaction with us.

“Pano mo alam na may kapatid siya?” Jae asks.

“That’s none of your business,” Aya stands up and waves her hand at Jae, gesturing for him to move so she can leave. “Lalabas na ako, okay?” she grumbles, making Jae scramble on his feet.

We’re all left surprised and speechless when she storms out the door, our gazes following her. She places a cigarette in between her lips and grabs the lighter from her back pocket. The kid sees her and runs toward her direction. Aya notices this and stops midway from lighting up her smoke. The kid raises his palm up to her and from the looks of it he asks for the same thing he kept asking for, money for food. She responds to the boy and then points at our direction. She leaves him and when she’s at a safe distance she starts rounding up her lighter pointed at her cigarette. The kid runs to the window right beside our table and knocks on it. I could hear his muffled voice, saying the same thing he kept on saying to everyone.

“Pangkain lang po kuya.”

The three of us make our way to the exit, where the kid is now waiting for us, “oh ito, dalawang burger, alam kong di pa to sapat para sa pang-buong araw mo pero sana kahit papaano makatulong to sa’yo,” I told him as I place the two plastic wrapped burgers on his small hands.

“Sapat na po to kuya, salamat po! Matutuwa po yung kapatid ko paborito niya po to eh,” he cheerfully exclaims.

“May kapatid ka talaga?” Dowoon confirms.

“Opo, naroon po sya oh,” he points to one of the lamp posts from across the street and it takes a while before the three of us locate a young girl dressed in a white tattered, dirt-smeared shirt that’s obviously too big for her.

And the second I see this kid, I look back to the window where we were seated. Unconsciously, I feel a force tug on the corners of my lips.

“Aya!” I yell, “Pahingi naman ng number mo oh!”

\- - -

Once I arrive at our front gate, I could already smell my mom’s cooking. Just from the scent I could already identify what dish she’s cooking. I bet she’s cooking my favorite dish, _sinigang_.

“Mama, papa, dito na po ako,” I yell as I knock on our locked door screen.

“Nandito na pala ang napaka-gwapo kong anak eh,” my dad who’s holding a bundle of _kangkong_ jokingly greets me. He stands up from the dining table and opens up the door for me. I reach for his hand and place it on my forehead.

“Mano po, papa,” I greet him.

“Nasa kusina yung mama mo,” he tells me as he continues to tend to the _kangkong_ he is busily preparing for the _sinigang_.

“Sabi na po eh, sinigang yung niluluto niyo po ni Mama,” I excitingly cheer, proving my nose to be skilled at identifying my mother’s cooking.

“Wala talaga tatakas diyan sa ilong mo na yan,” mom comes out from the kitchen, wearing her pink checkered apron and a ladle in hand.

“Mano po, mama,” I reach for her other hand and pay my respects, then kiss her on the cheek.

“Buong araw ka nasa labas anak pero ang bango bango mo pa din,” she teases me. I laugh at her sudden joke, “mabango ba ma? Amoy usok at pawis?”

“Hahaha,” she goes back to the kitchen and I follow her behind to wash my hands on the sink, “kamusta naman yung bazaar niyo ngayong araw?” she asks.

“Okay lang naman yung bazaar po, pero alam mo mama, may nakilala akong girl kanina,” I turn on the faucet and water escapes from the spout, spraying my hands with tepid water.

“Yung nakwento ko po sa inyo nung isang linggo, yung pamangkin ni Tita Maricel. Muntik ko nga po siya makaaway eh...” I recount to her as I help set the table where my dad has just left empty. 

They attentively listen to my recollection of events that happened to me earlier.

“Baka naman ganun lang talaga ugali niya ‘nak,” mom comments as she scoops a bowl of soup for me. I hum to myself and unknowingly pout.

“Nakasimangot na naman ang anak natin oh,” dad takes the bowl from my mother’s hand and places it on his plate. “Akala ko ba yang Aya na yan ay di mo makasundo, oh eh bakit ganyan ‘yang itsura mo?” he asks forcefully.

"Eh, baka naman kasi di naman talaga siya ganun, baka mali lang talaga ako kanina," I say as I take a spoonful of the hot sour soup. "Misunderstanding lang, you know? Misunderstanding?" I playfully tell them. They both laugh and mimic me.

Maybe she isn't as bad as people seem to think about her, how I, at one point, almost thought about her. I know that we really didn’t go off on a good start, in fact I can’t even say that we’re acquaintances after hearing myself recount my interactions with her. But I just can’t get my mind off that look she had when she was looking out the window. How her blank stares no longer seem like they were blank, how it’s possible she really didn’t have any intention to eat the burger at all, how she probably ordered that combo meal with the same intention I had— to give the extra food to that young kid. But, when she sat down on that table and saw the young girl, at that moment she may have been thinking ‘Ah, I need more food.’

And that thought, for some reason just makes me smile.


	2. During, the short and sweet romance.

Our date could not get any better. Aya and I watched Frozen 2 and all through out we held each other’s hands. After, we ate some food at this cozy cafe, we even shared this chocolate milkshake. And now, we’re on our way to a place I’m not so sure of.

“So, di mo talaga sasabihin saan tayo papunta?” I ask as I make my way through the road. I’m driving while Aya is giving me directions where to go. Our destination is still unknown to me but I trust Aya so much that I have no worries at all, in fact I’m excited. The only reason I’m asking her where we’re headed to is because she seems nervous. And I want her to feel at ease.

“It’s a surprise!” she exclaims before instructing the next set of directions, “make a right there, and just go straight.” I turn the steering wheel and looking at the buildings we’re passing by I recognize the area.

“Ah, alam ko ‘tong lugar na to, madadaanan natin yung capitol.”

“Yep, we’ll pass by there,” she says as she struggles fixing her casted leg to a more comfortable position.

“Naalala mo yung yung first meeting natin?” I ask her as I focus on driving, trying to resist the urge to help her with her cast. She grunts after finding the position she’s looking for her leg.

“Our first meeting? Yung bazaar yun diba?” she recalls. I hit the brakes gently to slow down the car, “kita mo ba yun, yung adoption center dun,” I point at her side of the window, at a small one-storey building illuminated by a few fluorescent lights.

“Yeah, lagi ko yan nadadaanan when I drive going to my hiding place, ano meron dun?” she says nonchalantly.

I laugh at her. 

“What?” she asks. I could just imagine how her eyes are gleaming, so full of innocence. I laugh once more. How can she be this cute? She hasn’t realized that she had just revealed her surprise for me. 

“Hulaan mo bakit?” I tease her, but she only raises an eyebrow, and I swear to God I’m resisting the urge to take her hand in mine and give it a peck.

“You’re the one telling me about the adoption center, then bigla ka tatawa magisa, tapos papahula mo sa akin bakit? Sira ka ba?” she bellows the last part in the most endearing way possible. Well, in the most endearing way for my Aya. And I just chuckle and pinch her cheek, which she just swats off. It takes a while before it registers to her that she had just revealed where she was planning to bring me.

“Ughh geez, you totally did that on purpose!” she yells while I begin to cackle.

“Hindi ah! Ikaw yun! Gusto ko lang sana paalala sayo yung booth na binantayan mo nung araw na una tayo nagkakilala.”

“Ha? Ano kinalaman nun sa booth na yun?”

I tell her the connection between the two but unfortunately she didn’t know that the crafts that were being sold at that booth were made by the children from that adoption center.

“Really?” she gushes, “that’s a weird coincidence.”

I quickly grab a glance at her and in that split second, the lights from outside hits her face and I see this look on her face that weakens all the strength I had mustered up just to resist taking her hand.

With one hand on the steering wheel and the other wrapped around Aya’s hand we reach a secluded village just a few kilometers away from the capitol. I pull the window down to let the security guard do the checking he needs to do, “Ano po yun?” he asks, but at the sight of Aya, a welcoming smile flashes on his face.

“Ay, ma’am kayo po pala yan!” he exclaims.

“Hello po kuya!” Aya greets him with the same excitement, “bibisita lang po kami sa bahay.”

“Sige po ma’am,” his smile not wavering one bit, “paiwan na lang po ng lisensya sir.” Despite not wanting to let go of Aya’s hand, I do so and reach my back pocket for my wallet. He takes my license, walks to the guard house and then a few seconds later comes back with a laminated number. He opens the gate and gestures a salute to us as we drive past him.

“Just go straight and yung pang-apat na kanto na makita mo, just turn left,” Aya directs.

And in a few minutes we reach a house, unlike those before it, is unlit. I park the car in front of the driveway and hurriedly run to Aya’s side to help her with her crutches. I offer to help her walk to the doorway but she declines. I notice she wants to reach the door first so I let her walk ahead of me. Once she reaches the door, she takes a key from her pocket and after a click breaking the silence of the night, she gently pushes it open.

“Welcome to my secret hiding place,” she presents.

I could faintly see Aya’s expression, how excited she looks and I feel bad not having the same excitement she has now. It’s just I can’t see a thing.

“Gusto ko sana magreact pero wala talaga ako makita eh, ang dilim,” I whisper and her laugh echoes through the desolate place.

She tells me where to find the light switch and once I locate it, my eyes are presented with a warm and welcoming home. I examine the place and I’m amazed at how the place feels so homey even though no one lives here. Maybe it’s because of the little things you can see around that makes it that way. Like the photos still hanging on the walls, the small souvenirs displayed on top of shelves, or the books scattered around the room waiting for someone to continue reading them.

I turn to Aya and she’s looking around the place too, but instead of astonishment her eyes are filled with yearning looks. And then it hit me, this place must be her family’s old home, her home before her parents separated.

“Ito ba yung bahay mo dati?” I ask. She nods at me before lifting herself up with her crutches, I rush to her side and she gives me one of them. I take it and place it on the side. She leans on me and we walk to what looks like the living room. She lets me go and makes her way to the piano right across the coffee table.

“This was our home,” she murmurs, “when my parents got separated they fought who gets to keep this house but they couldn’t reach an agreement so they decided to sell it,” her voice cracks so she pauses before continuing, “but I threatened them that if they sold this house I’d burn their new houses and they both won’t see me ever again...” she suddenly chuckles at herself, “I said all of that at the age of thirteen… I was already a bitch at such a young age.”

I take a seat beside her, “di ka bitch Aya, at never ka naging bitch.”

She lets out a small laugh, “Alam mo Wonpil, ikaw lang siguro yung magsasabi niyan, everyone who knows me would say na bitch ako.”

“Eh bulag siguro silang lahat!” I blurt out, “kasi sa mga mata ko Aya you have a pure heart.” She turns her head to me and stares into my eyes. I could feel my face turn red.

“Bakit ganun? When you say it, naniniwala ako na totoo lahat yun,” her voice deeper than her usual. 

“Kasi totoo lahat yun.”

Her eyes still locked on mine, “Because of you, I want to make it true… because of your trust, I need to change…” she shakes her head, “I _want_ to change, to make myself feel like I deserve you.”

“You deserve everything Aya, kahit hindi ka magbago, you are enough,” I take her hand, caressing it gently. I’m reminded of the time she thought she was just a charity case.

“You were never a charity case,” I say under my breath, “nung simula pa lang iba yung nakita ko sayo Aya, at hindi charity case iyun.”

I never saw her as a project that needed to be fixed, never. From the day I met her, all I noticed was the goodness in her heart. And from that day on, I wanted her to see that.

“I know that now. You have never spared a day to show and remind me that,” she moves her hand under my grasp to interlock her fingers with mine. “Kaya nga kita dinala dito sa hiding place ko eh, kasi special ka sa akin…” she looks down to our intertwined hands, “this is the last place my parents will look for me, as far as they're concerned this place is just an abandoned piece of their past, but to me this place still feels like home, more so than my actual home… and I wanted you to be a part of that.” She looks up at me, staring at my eyes again, this time more solid, “because whenever I’m with you, I no longer feel lost… thanks to you not giving up on me I see a future in my life,” she suddenly giggles, “kahit na ang gulo pa din at di ko pa din naiintindihan lahat... but when I see you everything feels okay. So, I don’t mind feeling this chaos...“ her mouth slowly turning into a grin, “because there’s this one pill that makes that chaos taste so sweet.”

Maybe it’s her every word, or how her voice sounds, it’s possible that it’s the steady look in her eyes, but the Aya in front of me right now is glowing. She has always been glowing to my eyes especially when she smiles at me but right now, right this very moment, her glow is different. If before she was burning like a red blazing fire, the Aya gleaming now is a calm and clear blue flame.

“Gusto kita halikan Aya,” I whisper.

Her smile disappears and her eyes widen at my sudden confession.

“I have never kissed anyone before…” her voice trailing off.

“Ako din naman.”

“What if I’m bad at it?” she asks, and the corners of my lips rise.

“Mahal pa din kita kahit ganun,” I move closer as she slowly closes her eyes and her hand tightens around mine.


	3. Still, the gift of love and patience

It’s been a month since that night. ****

“Wonpil anak, magsisimba na muna kami ng papa, gusto mo na ba sumama ngayon?” my mother asks through the other side of my bedroom door. ****

“Hindi na po muna mama, siguro sa susunod na lang po na linggo,” I respond still lying on my bed. ****

“Okay, may almusal na sa lamesa, kain ka na lang kapag nagutom ka na ha? Wag papalipas ng gutom ha anak?” she reassures. ****

“Opo, mama.” ****

It’s been a month since I’ve last heard Aya’s voice. It’s been a month since I’ve last seen her smile. It’s been a month since I saw her text messages saying, “Good morning Wonpill.” ****I cover myself with my blanket and fight back the tears. ****

That night, she told me she’ll be home in thirty minutes. An hour passed, then two, she still didn’t arrive. Then, her mom received a call. We then found ourselves at the hospital, and there I saw my whole world crumble. ****I touch the couple bracelets I have on my wrist, before I only had mine on, but now I'm wearing both, trying to search for some kind of comfort from it. My throat tightens and my breathing gets heavy, I take off the blanket from my head and I start bawling my eyes out for what seems to be the fifth time this day. ****

“Aya,” I call out into the air, hoping to hear an answer. ****

Nothing. ****

“Aya my lo—ves… Aya aking ma—hal,” I say in between sobs, the tears blurring my vision. ****Then, I hear a voice. A familiar voice. It’s hers. ****

“Wonpill.” ****

And there just right across from me, sitting on the other side of my bed, my Aya. ****

“Di ko alam na napaka-iyakin mo pala?” she smiles. ****

I wipe the tears off my eyes and try to clear up my vision, checking to see if I’m just hallucinating. ****

“What? You don’t recognize me? It’s me, Aya!” she cups her face with her two hands, “iyak ka naman ng iyak eh, hindi ka na tuloy happy pill ko.” ****At the sound of the words ‘happy pill’ I scramble from where I am laying and reach for her, only to go through what seems to be a phantasm. ****

I burst, “Aya ko.” ****

“Uy, stop crying na please. I wanted to see your smile Wonpil.” ****

I try to compose myself, and force a smile out. ****

“There’s that handsome smile,” she says. ****

She then stares at me as I wipe away the tears off my face, still sniffling. ****

“I’m sorry Wonpil, as much as I want to I can’t give you a hug. Di ko alam doon—” she points up, “bakit ganito lang yung pagdala niya sa akin dito.” She suddenly laughs, “joke lang po yun!” she brings her hand together and looks up, “thank you for letting me visit him.” ****She turns to look at me again, “I’m sorry for giving you pain Wonpil.” ****

I pout at her, “bakit ngayon ka lang kasi dumating…” I croak out. ****

“Kaya nga eh, sobrang late ko no? Di ko tuloy natikman yung barbecue na inihaw niyo ni daddy.” ****I laugh for the first time in a month. ****

“Uyyy napatawa ko siya,” she teases. ****

“Ang daya mo naman Aya eh, nag-eemote ako dito tapos ganyan ka,” I joke back. Tears no longer blurring my sight. ****

“Kasi naman ikaw, I thought you would be able to move on fast, pero at this rate parang iba yung nangyayari sayo eh, kaya nagpaalam ako sa Kanya if I could visit you, kahit isang beses lang,” she explains. ****

“Bakit mo ba kasi ako iniwan?” my voice faltering. ****

“Di naman kita iniwan Wonpil, I’m always with you. Always,” she reaches for my face but stops midway when she realizes she can’t touch me. She just flashes me a hurt smile. ****

“Sobra ba yung sakit na dinanas mo nung mga huling sandali mo?” I ask her the thought I had the first time I saw her at the hospital, still wanting to hold her in my arms. She looks at me with the most sorrowful eyes and utters something I couldn’t really hear.

“Not as painful when I thought of not being able to be there to actually comfort you.” She now reaches for my face and I could feel her palm on my cheek and her thumb caressing my skin. Even though I’m fully aware the Aya right in front of me is just a phantasm, I swear I can feel her touch. And tears run down my face again. ****

“I’m always with you Wonpil, di mo man ako makita, I’m always with you,” she points to my chest, “just remember that, so don’t lose your way, okay? You were my compass when I got lost, now I’ll be yours, forever,” she takes my hand and places them on her cheek. ****

“Lagi mo lang tatandaan na mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita,” she kisses the palm of my hand. ****

“Sa sobrang mahal kita, may last gift ako sayo, you just need to open up your heart again… you said this to me before, love and patience lang ang kailangan… I hope you give yourself that too, the same amount you gave me. Thanks to you I’m in a happy place now. You’re my angel.” She opens her arms and I bury myself to her chest, bawling my eyes out as she strokes my back. ****

Her touch, her embrace, _her_... my Aya, the one I’ve been longing to be with. No longer lives in this world with me, but is happily living with the Higher entity she didn’t really believed in. I was her angel now she’s mine. ****

“I love you, my happy pill,” she covers my eyes. “I love you, my Aya,” I answer back and suddenly my lips feels her soft lips, reminding me of that night I first kissed her. ****

Once I open my eyes again, I find myself on my back, lying on my bed. ****

“Wonpil anak, magsisimba na muna kami ng papa, gusto mo na ba sumama ngayon?” my mom asks as she knocks at my door. ****

It was all a dream. Aya visited me in my sleep. ****

I run to open my door and wrap my arms around my mom, a gesture I think I haven’t done since the day of Aya’s funeral. ****“Sasama ako mama, maliligo lang po ako ng mabilisan,” I yell as I rush to the bathroom.  
  


A few days after seeing Aya in my dream, I receive a text from Sungjin. He drops by my house, hands me Aya’s phone and the last gift she mentioned— a small rosary bracelet, one that looks similar to our couple bracelet. And for some reason I start feeling okay again. Even better than the day I saw my Aya in my sleep.

But, to be honest, it never became easy, I never even really fully understood why it all had to happen, but like what she said to me, I just have to remember that she’s always with me, so that I won’t lose my way. That despite not being able to turn back time to what used to be, our love for each other never really died. It's still here, unchanging. My love for her, that I still want to feel, that I still want to give. Our love that we both still have for each other. I can’t see it but I could always feel it from where she is, always gleaming, still calm and clear.


End file.
